The Best Mother-in-law Ever. I hope.

Hey, it's been a while.  Life.  So this past weekend, I had the privilege of attending a 15th birthday party, also known as her quince, of a friends daughter.  It was a beautiful experience.  Yes, I did the Cupid Shuffle and the Macarena but that's not all that made it fun.  Before I begin to explain why this was so significant for me, I need to back up a bit.  

When I was a young girl, I knew I wanted to be a mother.  I began taking mental notes at about the age of 10 and titled my mental list, "The Best Mother Ever."  I would note when I saw a mother do something sweet for her daughter, including mine.  I would note when a mother would do something not so sweet to her daughter.  I watched, listened, and compiled a long list of do's and don'ts. To this day, I refer to that list.  After this weekend, and all the beautiful and symbolic words spoken and gifts given, I've decided to begin compiling a new list and title it, "The Best Mother-in-law Ever".  I know that in-law relationships can be difficult complicated complex interesting.  I can only imagine what it must be like for a mother to give her child her heart to someone else and trust that person to protect them, love them, serve them, adore them, like she does.  I'm sure it's difficult.  So that's why I've started my list; to prepare myself for the day I will give my child my heart away.

1. I will love and accept my daughter-in-law/son-in-law like they are my very own.  And I mean that with all sincerity in my heart.

2. I will expect to see my child change and be changed over the course of their marriage.  I will remember that God is going to use their spouse to mold them into who He wants them to be and they may not look like the child I raised.  And that must be ok.

3. I will give my daughter-in-law a symbolic gift before her wedding day, to represent me handing over my son to her, realizing that she will now rule her own household/husband and I will respect that.

4. I will give my son-in-law a symbolic gift before he takes my daughter, to wish him luck with my baby girl ruling their household.  LOL!  

5. I will respect my in-laws as parents.  I will ask permission.  I will earn their trust.  I will obey their wishes.

And did I mention, I will love them like my very own children?  Well, I will.

6. I will pray for them.  I will pray for our relationship.  I will pray for all the ways I fail them as a mother-in-law, that God make up the difference so that our relationship with glorify Him.  I will also pray with them; I pray with my kids and that will now include them.

I'm sure there's plenty more to come but for now, I'm satisfied with this list.  I do so want to be a wonderful mother-in-law who is a blessing to her children; natural born and given by marriage.

When my Motherhood takes a beating

I've worked hard, very hard, at this Mommy thing.  I knew I wanted to be a mother since even before I knew I wanted to be married.  When I was a child, I would watch mothers and take LOTS of mental notes. While in college, I struggled with majors because I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom and I couldn't find a degree (at the college I attended) best suited for the job.  I decided long ago that I would work to be the best mother I could possibly be.  So when I actually became a mother, the one thing I never imagined happening was that my heart would be so tender to all words spoken about my children or about me as a mother.  It took me years to learn how to stand up for myself; to develop confidence in myself as a mother.  For years I struggled with this and it was easy for many seasoned mothers to see this in me and take advantage of my timidity.  I remember the first time a seasoned mother made me cry.  She was my coworker at a preschool and, while I cared for the two year olds, she cared for the babies.  My eldest was in her class and no matter what I said to her, she always knew what was better for him.  If I said to snuggle him a certain way, she would snuggle him an entirely different way, then tell me just how wonderfully it worked and that my way didn't ever work.  This one day, as I struggled with her over something else regarding my sons care, she looked right at me and said, "You don't have a mother, do you?"  My jaw dropped.  Of course I have a mother.  In fact, I have several mothers; well, women who inspire me, helped to raise me, and who love me. I have great women in my life and they each taught me different things about being a wife, mother, housekeeper, chef, financial manager, etc.  She saw my lack of confidence and assumed I didn't have a wonderful role model.  Well, years went by and over the years I grew in my confidence as a mother.  I have stood up to people for my kids.  I have confronted people for my kids.  I have made decisions for my kids and dealt with confrontation from others who don't agree with my decisions.  So lately I've been feeling pretty confident as a mother, not prideful, just confident.  Until recently.  My motherhood took a beating.  Won't go into the details but something was said directly to me that translated disapproval of the way I manage my kids and that hurt.  I found myself having to lift my jaw off the table again.  I felt like that new mom again who lacked confidence and radiated timidity.  I was hurt.  Moving beyond this is so hard.  It's not forgiveness I'm struggling with because I forgive the person who said these things to me.  It's that my heart hurts and that's not an easy thing to mend.  All the nicest things in the world could be said to me today and it still wouldn't mend my wounded heart.  My heart possess a tenderness when it comes to my kids and the smallest jab, intentional or not, is painful.  So what now?  I'm just trying to keep my chin up and keep moving forward.  My Motherhood took a beating but still my kids are joyful, happy, loving, generous, passionate, friendly, smart, helpful kids.  And I sure do love them.

Tangible Jesus

One of the best, most recent parenting tip I read was to tell your kids what Jesus is like, not just about Jesus.  Explaining Jesus to children is so hard but when you use something tangible, it helps them understand.  For example, today the kids and I took school to go.  We went to church and enjoyed our language arts, math, spelling, and Bible outside!  So while on this huge field I had the chance to illustrate what Jesus it like.  "A relationship with Jesus is like this giant field.  You may go anywhere on this field but not past the boundary of that sidewalk."  When they ask "why", I could further illustrate.  "Because of the danger beyond the sidewalk."  "Oh!", they replied, "the cars driving on the road could hit us."  Exactly.  It was the first time I remembered this tip and the first I used it.  It really was wonderful to see their faces light up with joy and understanding.

MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)

So today was the first meeting of year 3 of MOPS!  We had a wonderful group of moms.  I'm so excited to see how these friendships form and grow as the year progresses.  Mothering alone is...well...lonely.  I decided a few years ago that I would not do it alone any longer.  I mean, I have my wonderful and amazing husband but having mom friends to share this journey with is such a treasure.  It is so wonderful to text my bestfriend and girlfriends to tell them how many poopy diapers I changed in the day.  Or to share my latest preschool activity discovery.  Friends make life fun.  And MOPS is just one avenue in meeting these new friends.  

One of our discussion questions was "What is the most important character trait of a friend."  Me, and a couple other moms, believe loyalty is the most important trait for a friend of mine to possess.  I look for friends who will be loyal to me, even when I fail them.  I am a transparent type of person so getting to know me means getting to know even my weaknesses and failures.  I love my bestfriend because she sees that in me and is still loyal to me.  That's what I need in a true friendship.  Plus laughter!  I love friends who can laugh at all the small things.  I think another great character trait is forgiveness.  Any relationship worth having is worth working on and that includes forgiving one another.  And above all, I look for love.  Love bears all!  

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to serve, along side my bestfriend, these wonderful moms in MOPS.  It is going to be a great year!!