I Promise to Love You...

So something my pastor says to everyone who joins our church is, "We promise to love you and we promise to let you love us."  Beautiful, huh?  For nearly 10 years, this phrase has lingered in my mind...as it relates to my children and their spouses.  I blogged once about being the best mother in law ever.  So this is part 2.  I know I am going to be the strangest mother in law ever.  Mostly because I am going to talk.  Lots.  And I am going to say stuff like this.

Daughters-in-law/Son-in-law, I promise to love you and let you love me.  I will love you for who you are.  I can't know what your life has been like or what you've been through so I will not always fully understand you, but I will always fully love you.  For you.  All the weird ways you think. All the weird things you say.  When you don't want to hang out with me.  Totally fine.  I will still love you.  And I will let you love me.  However weird that looks.  You may not like to hug.  Totally fine.  You may not like quality time.  Fine, too. I will accept the love you give me, whatever that looks like.  When you marry my kid, you become my kid also.  And I will pour into you as such.

The most beautiful example of this is my step-mom.  She's the most warm, accepting person I know.  She loves EVERYONE who enters her life or her kids' lives.  She is the epitome of loving people and letting people love her.  I hope to be like her towards my kids and their spouses.  And trust me, I'm praying now.  I know with Jesus, I can be the mother in law my kids and their spouses need and that I so desire to be.

Reflections on our first year of homeschool

Two more weeks!  I feel like I do near the end of every school year.  Ready.  Ready for summer.  Ready for vacation.  Ready to hit the beach.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

However, this is unlike any other school year.  This, ladies and gents, is our first year to homeschool our kids.  And what a year it has been.  At the beginning of the school year, I wrote my list of reasons why we opted to homeschool our kids and let me tell you, that came in handy a few times this year...when I thought to myself, "What the heck am I doing?!"  Now, at the end of the year, as I reflect on that list and on the school year, I can see that what I've been doing has been something quite marvelous.  (Let me add my usual plug...Homeschool is not for everyone and I don't judge people who do not feel called to homeschool their kids.  This is our decision for our kids because we believe this is what God has called us to do for them.)  Here's a list of my random reflections of this year (in no particular order, either):

1. We've all enjoyed being together during the best hours of our day. I honestly thought we would get sick of being together but the opposite has occurred; we enjoy each other so much more.
2. I have seen a new level of confidence in my kids and in their interactions with other kids (of all ages) and adults.
3. My kids have learned more scripture this past year than they have ever before.
4. I've seen my kids desire to contribute to the upkeep of the household.  I've seen them take pride in their work around the house.
5. We are so much less stressed.  Our schedule has been so flexible and we thrive on that flexibility.
6. We all get more sleep.  We weren't rushed to get out of the house at a certain time, eat at a certain time, get in bed at a certain time... We've just gone with flow.  That's been nice.
7. God has blessed my kids with many more neighborhood friends.  Amazingly, my kids are getting to know and running around with more of the kids in our neighborhood.  (This is unlike previous years.)
8. My personal relationship with each child has blossomed.  My kids joke around with me and their Dad.  It's been a beautiful thing.
9. My kids have learned which academic areas they are strong in and which ones they need to work at...and they are motivated to work hard in those weak areas.
10. My kids have taken charge of their academics.  They love to learn...even the tough stuff.
11. We have new opportunities to serve our community together.
12. My kids eat.  Lots.  This is huge because while they were in public school, they didn't eat.  Ever.

And last but not least,

13. My kids like their school.  Yeah, they seriously do.  I joked with them about putting them in some different school but they quickly opposed and said that they like their school.

So, there it is.  Some, not all, reflections of our year. I don't homeschool because I want to raise geniuses or prodigies.  I don't homeschool out of fear of public education.  I homeschool out of obedience and I praise God that this first year has been AMAZING.

Wanna be your hands. Wanna be your feet.

So just this past weekend, my husband and I (and our entire Sunday school class) were invited to join an older more experienced Sunday school class for an evening in Paris (at the church, of course).  It was a lovely evening filled with yummy food, photographs, and OMGsh desserts!  We played a couple fun games, one being a get-to-know-each-other game by spending a few minutes swapping bits of information.  So I had the privilege of getting to know a man named Sam. He is a kind-hearted, hard-working man who is terrible at golf; a skill lack-of skill I can completely relate to.  He shared with me that he went, on two separate occasions, to Panama to do mission work.  He shared the work he and his team did there and in sharing about his work, I could see his heart for the people he served.  He said the little children would run up to them and want to be held by them.  He said it broke his heart that there were some who wouldn't carry these children.  There were some who wouldn't get dirty.  I saw his heart when he said, "what's wrong with these people?  We are to be like Jesus.  Pick these children up.  Play with them.  Love them."  Then he lowered his head in thought.

Him saying this made me think.  It made me think about my childhood.  You see, I was one of these "dirty" children.  I mean this metaphorically.  My mother was strict about cleanliness, so we never looked dirty but we were very poor.  We lived in homeless shelters on a few occasions.  We ate at homeless shelters when we didn't have food.  We didn't have fancy clothes or drive a fancy car (if we had a car).  We often rode the public transportation.  We often went to the church for help.  Not to attend or be converted, but just to receive help.  And the church always stepped in to help.  I can remember this one family in particular who brought us a Christmas dinner and gifts.  It made my heart swell because not only did I see grown adults helping us, I saw their children helping us.  Kids our age.  I think about this family often and I KNOW one day I will meet them again.  You see, they weren't afraid to get dirty.  They didn't care what their friends thought of them by associating with poor people as they drove into our neighborhood.  They didn't enter our apartment to point out faults and reasons behind our circumstances.  They entered our neighborhood to love us.  Period.  They loved and they left and they trusted.  They trusted that God would finish the work He began in us.  In me.

I love to see and know Christians who are not afraid to get dirty.  They are not afraid to be seen with "dirty" people.  They are not afraid to love these people.  They are not afraid to serve these people.  They are not afraid to love and leave and trust that God will finish His work in their life.  I don't ever want to forget where I come from and the grace God has shown me all my life, even before I knew Him.  I don't EVER want to think I'm too clean, or righteous, or blessed, or worthy to get dirty.

Love God, Love People

Recently, this thought has weighed heavy on my heart.  Nicole, are you loving God and are you loving people?  Well, of course I am..maybe..sometimes..so not to extent that He desires me to.  You see, I've been distracted.  Distracted by good things.  Busy things.  Kid things.  Friend things.  Family things.  Running things.  Things, things, and more things.  There are two ways Satan is famous for getting me off focus; by discouraging me ("you're not good enough to be a minister's wife," is one of his most famous lines to me) and by distracting me.  Confession, I'm a little ADD.  I get distracted at the grocery store.  I get distracted with crafting.  I get distracted in my own home... you know, go to the closet to put something away and I realize I need to sort through a box and before I know it, it's been 4 hours and I have 10 bags to donate to charity.  I can lose focus in an instant.  Weakness #496,752.  But God, using different circumstances, gently reveals this to me and calls my focus back.  Love God, Love People.  Did I mention how much I love people?  God has used my circumstances as a child to develop in me this passion for people.  I love having people over for dinner.  I love visiting with people.  I love talking with people.  I love investing in people.  All types of people as well.  Weird people.  Grumpy people.  Tattooed people.  Old people and new people.  I just love people.  So that's what I want to be consumed by; loving God and loving people.  Francis Chan said it well...

Being a Barnabas

My husband entered the ministry when our oldest child was just a year old.  We moved from our hometown to a large city and quickly began working in the local mission ministry; at church and in our community.  We LOVED it.  We met lots of new people, interesting people, people of many different backgrounds and beliefs.  We had the privilege of seeing some of those come to know Jesus and be baptized.

A few years later, the LORD sent us to "the desert."  I call that time period a desert because we weren't as involved in missions.  We weren't as involved in our community.  We weren't as involved in our church.  This was tough.  I felt like I had been wandering, trying to rediscover my purpose.  It took me some years before I realized that this desert was what God wanted.  It taught me how to take a back seat.  It taught me the importance and value of pouring God's word into my children.  It taught me that my new mission field was in my very own home.

I often beg God to send us back into the mission field; local or even foreign.  I also beg Him to let me be like Paul; on the front lines, advancing the Gospel in HUGE ways.  He gently guides me back to my new position as a Barnabas (an encourager to Paul).  He ever so gently has been teaching me this by giving me people to encourage.  He also has given me examples of some true encouragers.  Here's one...

A friend of mine ran in the half marathon also.  She ran on the second day and with her friend.  I looked for her before the start, along the way, and after but never did find her.  After the race, I texted her to see how her run went.  She responded with, "It was great.  I didn't run very fast but I ran with my friend.  It was her first half marathon and I wanted to be with her, to encourage her along the way and to see her finish."  WOW!  How selfless.  She set aside her own desires.  She set aside her own goals.  She is a Barnabas.

1 John 3:16 says, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters."

I always interpreted this as dying.  Oh sure, I have no problem taking a bullet for a friend.  But will I allow myself to remain quiet while someone else gets the praise?  Or will I set aside my own goals and run slower with a friend?  Can be content in the background; being a Barnabas?  Can I be the quiet donkey that no one praised for carrying Jesus into Jerusalem?

We OUGHT to lay down our lives for others.

Random thoughts as I ran two half-marathons

I have always wondered what a runner thinks about as they run.  I mean, they have all that time to themselves.  LOL.  Okay, so here are a bunch of my random thoughts during my two half-marathon runs, in no particular order.

What was I thinking?

I'm doing this again?  Why am I doing this again?

Here we go!!  Yeah!  I can do this.  I can do this.  I'm going to cry.

What should my facebook status be after this run?

AHH...TWIG...DUCK! 

I can do hard things!

I delivered an 8 1/2 lb baby without an epidural.  That was hard.  I can do this.

Come on, Nicole.  Pick up the pace.  Quit slacking.

Where the heck am I?  Shouldn't I be done already?!

Oh gosh, grab the cup, don't run into anyone, careful....

Yummy!  Nothing like sweat laced, mashed up ibuprofen.  Oh well.  

Wow!  There goes that little girl!  She's so freaking fast.

I can't do this. I can't do this.  I can do this.  I can't do this.

Pain is temporary.  Memories are forever.  Unless I forget.  Oh crap.

Pain is temporary.  Medals are forever.  Unless lydia claims all my medals.  Oh crap.

Pain is temporary.  Internet results are forever.  yeah, I like it.

I need to walk.  No, I can't walk. Stop trying to be a quitter.

They're going the wrong way.  Great, now I'm going the wrong way.  Oh..no I'm not.  

Turnaround at a flag pole.  Seriously!  Hmm...What if I grab it, spin around quickly, then launch down the path faster?!  No, I shouldn't try it.

OOOOH, CAMERA!  CHEESE!!! :)

I'm sure there were many, many more random thoughts and here are just a few.  I really enjoyed this weekend.  My body hates me but it will get over it.  What I love most is that now my kids want to run.  That makes me proud.  (I started running because my dad's an amazing marathon runner.)  Oh, and one of my favorite memories by far is when I was slowly (because I was in so much freaking pain) crossing the street, an old man in his car rolled down his window and yelled "JERK!!" at me.  Ha!  Old people.  Can't wait until I'm old.  :)

I appreciate being lied to...sometimes.

Sometimes I appreciate being lied to.  For example, when my kids get hurt but they (and their daddy) tell me that they're fine.  They do it because they are well aware of my natural reaction, TO FREAK OUT!  Or when my child is loses his grip on a tire swing, is barely hanging onto the rope while he's flying well above the rooftop of the house.  Yeah, I was thankful I did not know that situation actually occurred until months after it did.  I would have lost it passed out!  So recently my running app has been lying to me and today I found out the truth.  I wish I hadn't.  You see, running for me not at all natural.  Instead, it's rather painful, both mentally and physically.  My life has been on an emotional roller coaster the past few weeks.  Nobody worry.  Not a full out, crazy, thrill ride kinda roller coaster, but a tiny kiddie one.  Anyway, it's enough to make this lady overwhelmed.  So for once, running was making me feel proud.  For once in the last few weeks, I felt strong and accomplished.

Until today.

Defeat is now breathing down my neck.  I wish I hadn't discovered how terrible I am at running.  I liked thinking I was improving.  I liked thinking I was doing something right at a time when mothering is challenging me, teaching is challenging me, maintaining a schedule is challenging me, and even being an encouragement to others to the Glory of God is challenging me.  I liked thinking I was "winning" at something. I don't want a medal (well, only the one at the finish line of a half marathon- there's no way I'm running 13.1 miles and not getting some sort of token to remember the insanity).  I don't want special recognition.  I just want to feel proud of myself.  Satan has always been very good at discouraging me in this exact area.  He's a champ at telling me I'm not good at anything I do.  I hate it when I let him win me over.  Thankfully, recently I've been studying, memorizing and drawing near to a verse.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor 12:9

His power is made perfect in my weakness.  Wow.

I'm glad Jesus loves us weaklings.  Will I run again?  Maybe but definitely with my truthful app.