Giving your best. Trust God for the rest.

I love and hate quotes like the one above.  I strive to give me kids my best every. single. day, but some days, I just don't have IT.  You know, IT.  I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and I just can't.  Some days, my best is McDonald's for dinner.  Some days, my best is to just get the laundry cleaned and dried (forget the folding part of the process).  Some days, when my seasonal depression kicks in, my best is to just watch movies with them.  Most days, my best is a quick hug and kiss before bed; not a long, drawn-out bedtime routine.  Some days, my best is just mediocre.  And on most days, I'm happy with mediocre.  I become dissatisfied with mediocre when I read quotes like this one, and set the bar WAY too high.

Now, on rare occasions I will make some amazing Pinterest meal, get ALL the laundry done, mop all the floors, shampoo all the carpets, school all the children (and they make A's on all their tests), fill my husband with his love language, rock my training, and still have energy to spare.  But that's not the norm.  When I expect the rare to be the norm, I feel inadequate.  When the rare becomes my standard of best, I fail.

Instead, I want my kids to hear me say, "I'm doing my best", but still experience the real me-- the broken, in constant need of God's love and forgiveness, me.  Because who am I kidding?  Apart from God's grace and guidance, I am nothing.  I can do nothing.  But with Him, I can be MY best- and that's not being Martha Stewart-Rodriguez.  That's being the real me.

To all the Non-storytellers

So we all have those FB friends or blogs we follow, right?  The ones who make walking the dog or checking the mail or changing a diaper seem so interesting.  They have a way with words and make the most mundane task seem exciting, thrilling, riveting, and amazing.  You know, the storytellers.  And after reading a post or blog about cleaning a bathroom, I am left wondering.  Wondering why when I clean the bathroom, it is just not that exciting or adventurous.  Not that I do not enjoy mundane tasks.  In fact, I LOVE serving my family.  It is because I am not a storyteller.  I am not brilliant at elaborating such events.  So this is what I have learned from these amazing storytellers-

1. Love this quote.  Always will.  "Comparison is the thief of JOY."  And it is true.  If I compare my life to someone else's, I will feel defeated.  I may even try to keep up.  I do not believe that is what God wants from me.  I believe He wants me to live my life to the fullest, giving him all the praise and reflecting him, within my context- not someone else's.

2. Treasure the little things.  These storytellers are building up and treasuring all the little things.  And so should I.  Just because I do not blog about it, does not mean I can not treasure up these stories and events, even if they are mundane.

3. Be real.  Many storytellers I follow are very real but then there are a few who have figured out that you can be anyone you want to be on the internet.  Keep it real.  I should not ever try to be someone I am not created to be.

We all have great stories and just because you or I are not great storytellers does not mean our life is not the most wonderful adventure we are living.  And you do not have to be a great storyteller to share your life.  When you share what great things He has done for you, then you are giving him glory and that goes beyond any great story about changing a light bulb or washing the dishes.

I Promise to Love You...

So something my pastor says to everyone who joins our church is, "We promise to love you and we promise to let you love us."  Beautiful, huh?  For nearly 10 years, this phrase has lingered in my mind...as it relates to my children and their spouses.  I blogged once about being the best mother in law ever.  So this is part 2.  I know I am going to be the strangest mother in law ever.  Mostly because I am going to talk.  Lots.  And I am going to say stuff like this.

Daughters-in-law/Son-in-law, I promise to love you and let you love me.  I will love you for who you are.  I can't know what your life has been like or what you've been through so I will not always fully understand you, but I will always fully love you.  For you.  All the weird ways you think. All the weird things you say.  When you don't want to hang out with me.  Totally fine.  I will still love you.  And I will let you love me.  However weird that looks.  You may not like to hug.  Totally fine.  You may not like quality time.  Fine, too. I will accept the love you give me, whatever that looks like.  When you marry my kid, you become my kid also.  And I will pour into you as such.

The most beautiful example of this is my step-mom.  She's the most warm, accepting person I know.  She loves EVERYONE who enters her life or her kids' lives.  She is the epitome of loving people and letting people love her.  I hope to be like her towards my kids and their spouses.  And trust me, I'm praying now.  I know with Jesus, I can be the mother in law my kids and their spouses need and that I so desire to be.

Reflections on our first year of homeschool

Two more weeks!  I feel like I do near the end of every school year.  Ready.  Ready for summer.  Ready for vacation.  Ready to hit the beach.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

However, this is unlike any other school year.  This, ladies and gents, is our first year to homeschool our kids.  And what a year it has been.  At the beginning of the school year, I wrote my list of reasons why we opted to homeschool our kids and let me tell you, that came in handy a few times this year...when I thought to myself, "What the heck am I doing?!"  Now, at the end of the year, as I reflect on that list and on the school year, I can see that what I've been doing has been something quite marvelous.  (Let me add my usual plug...Homeschool is not for everyone and I don't judge people who do not feel called to homeschool their kids.  This is our decision for our kids because we believe this is what God has called us to do for them.)  Here's a list of my random reflections of this year (in no particular order, either):

1. We've all enjoyed being together during the best hours of our day. I honestly thought we would get sick of being together but the opposite has occurred; we enjoy each other so much more.
2. I have seen a new level of confidence in my kids and in their interactions with other kids (of all ages) and adults.
3. My kids have learned more scripture this past year than they have ever before.
4. I've seen my kids desire to contribute to the upkeep of the household.  I've seen them take pride in their work around the house.
5. We are so much less stressed.  Our schedule has been so flexible and we thrive on that flexibility.
6. We all get more sleep.  We weren't rushed to get out of the house at a certain time, eat at a certain time, get in bed at a certain time... We've just gone with flow.  That's been nice.
7. God has blessed my kids with many more neighborhood friends.  Amazingly, my kids are getting to know and running around with more of the kids in our neighborhood.  (This is unlike previous years.)
8. My personal relationship with each child has blossomed.  My kids joke around with me and their Dad.  It's been a beautiful thing.
9. My kids have learned which academic areas they are strong in and which ones they need to work at...and they are motivated to work hard in those weak areas.
10. My kids have taken charge of their academics.  They love to learn...even the tough stuff.
11. We have new opportunities to serve our community together.
12. My kids eat.  Lots.  This is huge because while they were in public school, they didn't eat.  Ever.

And last but not least,

13. My kids like their school.  Yeah, they seriously do.  I joked with them about putting them in some different school but they quickly opposed and said that they like their school.

So, there it is.  Some, not all, reflections of our year. I don't homeschool because I want to raise geniuses or prodigies.  I don't homeschool out of fear of public education.  I homeschool out of obedience and I praise God that this first year has been AMAZING.

Wanna be your hands. Wanna be your feet.

So just this past weekend, my husband and I (and our entire Sunday school class) were invited to join an older more experienced Sunday school class for an evening in Paris (at the church, of course).  It was a lovely evening filled with yummy food, photographs, and OMGsh desserts!  We played a couple fun games, one being a get-to-know-each-other game by spending a few minutes swapping bits of information.  So I had the privilege of getting to know a man named Sam. He is a kind-hearted, hard-working man who is terrible at golf; a skill lack-of skill I can completely relate to.  He shared with me that he went, on two separate occasions, to Panama to do mission work.  He shared the work he and his team did there and in sharing about his work, I could see his heart for the people he served.  He said the little children would run up to them and want to be held by them.  He said it broke his heart that there were some who wouldn't carry these children.  There were some who wouldn't get dirty.  I saw his heart when he said, "what's wrong with these people?  We are to be like Jesus.  Pick these children up.  Play with them.  Love them."  Then he lowered his head in thought.

Him saying this made me think.  It made me think about my childhood.  You see, I was one of these "dirty" children.  I mean this metaphorically.  My mother was strict about cleanliness, so we never looked dirty but we were very poor.  We lived in homeless shelters on a few occasions.  We ate at homeless shelters when we didn't have food.  We didn't have fancy clothes or drive a fancy car (if we had a car).  We often rode the public transportation.  We often went to the church for help.  Not to attend or be converted, but just to receive help.  And the church always stepped in to help.  I can remember this one family in particular who brought us a Christmas dinner and gifts.  It made my heart swell because not only did I see grown adults helping us, I saw their children helping us.  Kids our age.  I think about this family often and I KNOW one day I will meet them again.  You see, they weren't afraid to get dirty.  They didn't care what their friends thought of them by associating with poor people as they drove into our neighborhood.  They didn't enter our apartment to point out faults and reasons behind our circumstances.  They entered our neighborhood to love us.  Period.  They loved and they left and they trusted.  They trusted that God would finish the work He began in us.  In me.

I love to see and know Christians who are not afraid to get dirty.  They are not afraid to be seen with "dirty" people.  They are not afraid to love these people.  They are not afraid to serve these people.  They are not afraid to love and leave and trust that God will finish His work in their life.  I don't ever want to forget where I come from and the grace God has shown me all my life, even before I knew Him.  I don't EVER want to think I'm too clean, or righteous, or blessed, or worthy to get dirty.

Love God, Love People

Recently, this thought has weighed heavy on my heart.  Nicole, are you loving God and are you loving people?  Well, of course I am..maybe..sometimes..so not to extent that He desires me to.  You see, I've been distracted.  Distracted by good things.  Busy things.  Kid things.  Friend things.  Family things.  Running things.  Things, things, and more things.  There are two ways Satan is famous for getting me off focus; by discouraging me ("you're not good enough to be a minister's wife," is one of his most famous lines to me) and by distracting me.  Confession, I'm a little ADD.  I get distracted at the grocery store.  I get distracted with crafting.  I get distracted in my own home... you know, go to the closet to put something away and I realize I need to sort through a box and before I know it, it's been 4 hours and I have 10 bags to donate to charity.  I can lose focus in an instant.  Weakness #496,752.  But God, using different circumstances, gently reveals this to me and calls my focus back.  Love God, Love People.  Did I mention how much I love people?  God has used my circumstances as a child to develop in me this passion for people.  I love having people over for dinner.  I love visiting with people.  I love talking with people.  I love investing in people.  All types of people as well.  Weird people.  Grumpy people.  Tattooed people.  Old people and new people.  I just love people.  So that's what I want to be consumed by; loving God and loving people.  Francis Chan said it well...

Being a Barnabas

My husband entered the ministry when our oldest child was just a year old.  We moved from our hometown to a large city and quickly began working in the local mission ministry; at church and in our community.  We LOVED it.  We met lots of new people, interesting people, people of many different backgrounds and beliefs.  We had the privilege of seeing some of those come to know Jesus and be baptized.

A few years later, the LORD sent us to "the desert."  I call that time period a desert because we weren't as involved in missions.  We weren't as involved in our community.  We weren't as involved in our church.  This was tough.  I felt like I had been wandering, trying to rediscover my purpose.  It took me some years before I realized that this desert was what God wanted.  It taught me how to take a back seat.  It taught me the importance and value of pouring God's word into my children.  It taught me that my new mission field was in my very own home.

I often beg God to send us back into the mission field; local or even foreign.  I also beg Him to let me be like Paul; on the front lines, advancing the Gospel in HUGE ways.  He gently guides me back to my new position as a Barnabas (an encourager to Paul).  He ever so gently has been teaching me this by giving me people to encourage.  He also has given me examples of some true encouragers.  Here's one...

A friend of mine ran in the half marathon also.  She ran on the second day and with her friend.  I looked for her before the start, along the way, and after but never did find her.  After the race, I texted her to see how her run went.  She responded with, "It was great.  I didn't run very fast but I ran with my friend.  It was her first half marathon and I wanted to be with her, to encourage her along the way and to see her finish."  WOW!  How selfless.  She set aside her own desires.  She set aside her own goals.  She is a Barnabas.

1 John 3:16 says, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters."

I always interpreted this as dying.  Oh sure, I have no problem taking a bullet for a friend.  But will I allow myself to remain quiet while someone else gets the praise?  Or will I set aside my own goals and run slower with a friend?  Can be content in the background; being a Barnabas?  Can I be the quiet donkey that no one praised for carrying Jesus into Jerusalem?

We OUGHT to lay down our lives for others.

Random thoughts as I ran two half-marathons

I have always wondered what a runner thinks about as they run.  I mean, they have all that time to themselves.  LOL.  Okay, so here are a bunch of my random thoughts during my two half-marathon runs, in no particular order.

What was I thinking?

I'm doing this again?  Why am I doing this again?

Here we go!!  Yeah!  I can do this.  I can do this.  I'm going to cry.

What should my facebook status be after this run?

AHH...TWIG...DUCK! 

I can do hard things!

I delivered an 8 1/2 lb baby without an epidural.  That was hard.  I can do this.

Come on, Nicole.  Pick up the pace.  Quit slacking.

Where the heck am I?  Shouldn't I be done already?!

Oh gosh, grab the cup, don't run into anyone, careful....

Yummy!  Nothing like sweat laced, mashed up ibuprofen.  Oh well.  

Wow!  There goes that little girl!  She's so freaking fast.

I can't do this. I can't do this.  I can do this.  I can't do this.

Pain is temporary.  Memories are forever.  Unless I forget.  Oh crap.

Pain is temporary.  Medals are forever.  Unless lydia claims all my medals.  Oh crap.

Pain is temporary.  Internet results are forever.  yeah, I like it.

I need to walk.  No, I can't walk. Stop trying to be a quitter.

They're going the wrong way.  Great, now I'm going the wrong way.  Oh..no I'm not.  

Turnaround at a flag pole.  Seriously!  Hmm...What if I grab it, spin around quickly, then launch down the path faster?!  No, I shouldn't try it.

OOOOH, CAMERA!  CHEESE!!! :)

I'm sure there were many, many more random thoughts and here are just a few.  I really enjoyed this weekend.  My body hates me but it will get over it.  What I love most is that now my kids want to run.  That makes me proud.  (I started running because my dad's an amazing marathon runner.)  Oh, and one of my favorite memories by far is when I was slowly (because I was in so much freaking pain) crossing the street, an old man in his car rolled down his window and yelled "JERK!!" at me.  Ha!  Old people.  Can't wait until I'm old.  :)

I appreciate being lied to...sometimes.

Sometimes I appreciate being lied to.  For example, when my kids get hurt but they (and their daddy) tell me that they're fine.  They do it because they are well aware of my natural reaction, TO FREAK OUT!  Or when my child is loses his grip on a tire swing, is barely hanging onto the rope while he's flying well above the rooftop of the house.  Yeah, I was thankful I did not know that situation actually occurred until months after it did.  I would have lost it passed out!  So recently my running app has been lying to me and today I found out the truth.  I wish I hadn't.  You see, running for me not at all natural.  Instead, it's rather painful, both mentally and physically.  My life has been on an emotional roller coaster the past few weeks.  Nobody worry.  Not a full out, crazy, thrill ride kinda roller coaster, but a tiny kiddie one.  Anyway, it's enough to make this lady overwhelmed.  So for once, running was making me feel proud.  For once in the last few weeks, I felt strong and accomplished.

Until today.

Defeat is now breathing down my neck.  I wish I hadn't discovered how terrible I am at running.  I liked thinking I was improving.  I liked thinking I was doing something right at a time when mothering is challenging me, teaching is challenging me, maintaining a schedule is challenging me, and even being an encouragement to others to the Glory of God is challenging me.  I liked thinking I was "winning" at something. I don't want a medal (well, only the one at the finish line of a half marathon- there's no way I'm running 13.1 miles and not getting some sort of token to remember the insanity).  I don't want special recognition.  I just want to feel proud of myself.  Satan has always been very good at discouraging me in this exact area.  He's a champ at telling me I'm not good at anything I do.  I hate it when I let him win me over.  Thankfully, recently I've been studying, memorizing and drawing near to a verse.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor 12:9

His power is made perfect in my weakness.  Wow.

I'm glad Jesus loves us weaklings.  Will I run again?  Maybe but definitely with my truthful app.

My Home Sweet Home

So Christmas has come and gone and now we are left to pack away all the decorations until next year.  It was a lovely time with my precious family and my husband's family.  It was also an eye-opening time for me. I realized something that I figured all along but it was made very clear to me this Christmas.  You see, a couple days before Christmas, my husband learned that his grandfather was very ill and in the hospital.  We were scheduled to spend our Christmas with his family and the plans remained unless his grandfather's health worsened.  Well, it did.  So Christmas day, my husband, his siblings and their mother took a trip to go see their grandfather, her father.  It was a no-brainer that my husband had to be there so they headed off as quickly as they could.  At that point, two of my boys were very cranky and in desperate need of a nap.  I decided instead of hanging out at my in-laws house, I would head to my grandmothers house to visit her, my grandfather, my dad, my brother, my sister, and my brother-in-law.  I managed to get the two cranky pants to take a nap and as I sat on the floor, waiting for them to fall asleep, I realized how lonely I felt.  It was the most confusing feeling I've ever felt.  It was confusing for me because I knew I wasn't alone.  I had my wonderful family right there with me.  I also had my wonderful in-law family there if I needed them.  Yet, my heart felt so lonely.  It was then I realized that my husband is my home.  He's my safe haven.  He's my rock.  He gives me the confidence to press on.  He strengthens me as a wife and mother.  He's my home sweet home.  I wasn't missing my own bed.  I wasn't missing familiar surroundings.  I was missing him.  I felt lost without him.  I had the opportunity to explain this to him and share with him the feeling of security he gives me.  Thankfully he didn't think I'm a freak!  LOL!  He was blessed to know that I need him and rely on him. It also confirmed what we've both known all along; it doesn't matter where we move to, as long as we have each other, we will be just fine.  I'm so thankful for him, my home sweet home.

Why I Homeschool.

So we realize that our decision to home educate our children is not the popular decision.  While it's growing and becoming more mainstream, it's still a ways off from comparing to public school by number of students. We knew we would face opposition, disapproval, and those not willing to support us.  But we are choosing it anyway.  I've thought on many occasions about posting our reasons for making this decision but didn't feel the time was right, until now.  I've decided to share our reasons for homeschooling our children.

Before I can begin I need to back up to what happened to initiate the idea of homeschooling.  Well, it began when two of my kids started public school last fall.  Finally, I had more than one child in school and only a few at home.  What a relief, right?  Wrong.  Our typical day began at 630 in the morning, with me waking up the kids, rushing to get dressed, fed, and out the door on time.  They arrived back home at 330, hungry and with a ton of homework.  I allowed them a 30 minute break and snack time before they had to work on homework.  Five o'clock was dinner and shortly thereafter, we were rushing back out the door to someone's ballet lessons, soccer practice, basketball practice, or football practice.  We usually didn't make it back home until 830 or 9 and by then the kids were hungry again, exhausted, and we were fighting them to rush to take showers and go to bed.  By the end of each day, we felt worn out, empty, disconnected, and disappointed.  Disappointed because we had not spent enough time with our kids; especially in God's word together.  When I started to realize this trend, I immediately thought of a scripture.  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk to about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."  I felt disappointed in myself and my husband when I realized we had not been living that way.  So in the semester following, I began to try to incorporate more of God's word into our daily lives.  I thought I was doing well until my eldest participated in Bible Drill competition at church.  He knew not even a third of the verses.  I failed him.  So that's when my husband and I began the search in our hearts and with God to determine what changes we needed to make.  Our first thought was to eliminate all sports or extracurricular activities.  That makes sense, right?  Wrong.  Our sons, especially, were born with a love and talent for sports.  It's who they are; it's ingrained into their being.  After all, their father is a minister who runs the gym at our church.  It's what we are constantly surrounded by.  We own stock in Academy.  Just kidding, we don't, but we should!  So God really laid it on our hearts that eliminating sports was not the right decision to make.  Ok, so now what, we ask.  Homeschool.  "But God, I'm not qualified.  I'm not an organized person.  I don't have a teaching degree.  I am NOT equipped!"  We know how this story goes, right?  God calls you to do something, go somewhere, reach a certain nation, enter a certain ministry, and we say I can't but he says, I will make you able.  And he certainly has.  I am surprised and amazed everyday by the grace and guidance God gives to me to teach my kids.  He gives me the wisdom.  He shows me the correct way.  And my kids are thriving.

I am not the one to say homeschooling is for everyone.  That's ridiculous.  That would be like saying all men should be ministers or all moms should stay home.  God has a very specific calling for each of us; and this is ours.  It fits our family.  We are able to keep sports in our lives.  We are able to spend lots of wonderful time with their Daddy.  And the most important thing, above all other positive experiences coming out of this, my kids are getting God's word; lots and lots of it.  They are memorizing scripture like never before.  We are talking about it and applying it to everything we do.  It has become the center of our family and our homeschool.

So this is why we homeschool.  Not to shield them from the world or to control what they are learning; only to give them as much of God's word in a way that works for our family.  We weren't doing it before and it is a command he gave us so we took the measures we felt necessary to obey his command.  The rest we leave up to him.  They are, after all, his children.

The Best Mother-in-law Ever. I hope.

Hey, it's been a while.  Life.  So this past weekend, I had the privilege of attending a 15th birthday party, also known as her quince, of a friends daughter.  It was a beautiful experience.  Yes, I did the Cupid Shuffle and the Macarena but that's not all that made it fun.  Before I begin to explain why this was so significant for me, I need to back up a bit.  

When I was a young girl, I knew I wanted to be a mother.  I began taking mental notes at about the age of 10 and titled my mental list, "The Best Mother Ever."  I would note when I saw a mother do something sweet for her daughter, including mine.  I would note when a mother would do something not so sweet to her daughter.  I watched, listened, and compiled a long list of do's and don'ts. To this day, I refer to that list.  After this weekend, and all the beautiful and symbolic words spoken and gifts given, I've decided to begin compiling a new list and title it, "The Best Mother-in-law Ever".  I know that in-law relationships can be difficult complicated complex interesting.  I can only imagine what it must be like for a mother to give her child her heart to someone else and trust that person to protect them, love them, serve them, adore them, like she does.  I'm sure it's difficult.  So that's why I've started my list; to prepare myself for the day I will give my child my heart away.

1. I will love and accept my daughter-in-law/son-in-law like they are my very own.  And I mean that with all sincerity in my heart.

2. I will expect to see my child change and be changed over the course of their marriage.  I will remember that God is going to use their spouse to mold them into who He wants them to be and they may not look like the child I raised.  And that must be ok.

3. I will give my daughter-in-law a symbolic gift before her wedding day, to represent me handing over my son to her, realizing that she will now rule her own household/husband and I will respect that.

4. I will give my son-in-law a symbolic gift before he takes my daughter, to wish him luck with my baby girl ruling their household.  LOL!  

5. I will respect my in-laws as parents.  I will ask permission.  I will earn their trust.  I will obey their wishes.

And did I mention, I will love them like my very own children?  Well, I will.

6. I will pray for them.  I will pray for our relationship.  I will pray for all the ways I fail them as a mother-in-law, that God make up the difference so that our relationship with glorify Him.  I will also pray with them; I pray with my kids and that will now include them.

I'm sure there's plenty more to come but for now, I'm satisfied with this list.  I do so want to be a wonderful mother-in-law who is a blessing to her children; natural born and given by marriage.

When my Motherhood takes a beating

I've worked hard, very hard, at this Mommy thing.  I knew I wanted to be a mother since even before I knew I wanted to be married.  When I was a child, I would watch mothers and take LOTS of mental notes. While in college, I struggled with majors because I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom and I couldn't find a degree (at the college I attended) best suited for the job.  I decided long ago that I would work to be the best mother I could possibly be.  So when I actually became a mother, the one thing I never imagined happening was that my heart would be so tender to all words spoken about my children or about me as a mother.  It took me years to learn how to stand up for myself; to develop confidence in myself as a mother.  For years I struggled with this and it was easy for many seasoned mothers to see this in me and take advantage of my timidity.  I remember the first time a seasoned mother made me cry.  She was my coworker at a preschool and, while I cared for the two year olds, she cared for the babies.  My eldest was in her class and no matter what I said to her, she always knew what was better for him.  If I said to snuggle him a certain way, she would snuggle him an entirely different way, then tell me just how wonderfully it worked and that my way didn't ever work.  This one day, as I struggled with her over something else regarding my sons care, she looked right at me and said, "You don't have a mother, do you?"  My jaw dropped.  Of course I have a mother.  In fact, I have several mothers; well, women who inspire me, helped to raise me, and who love me. I have great women in my life and they each taught me different things about being a wife, mother, housekeeper, chef, financial manager, etc.  She saw my lack of confidence and assumed I didn't have a wonderful role model.  Well, years went by and over the years I grew in my confidence as a mother.  I have stood up to people for my kids.  I have confronted people for my kids.  I have made decisions for my kids and dealt with confrontation from others who don't agree with my decisions.  So lately I've been feeling pretty confident as a mother, not prideful, just confident.  Until recently.  My motherhood took a beating.  Won't go into the details but something was said directly to me that translated disapproval of the way I manage my kids and that hurt.  I found myself having to lift my jaw off the table again.  I felt like that new mom again who lacked confidence and radiated timidity.  I was hurt.  Moving beyond this is so hard.  It's not forgiveness I'm struggling with because I forgive the person who said these things to me.  It's that my heart hurts and that's not an easy thing to mend.  All the nicest things in the world could be said to me today and it still wouldn't mend my wounded heart.  My heart possess a tenderness when it comes to my kids and the smallest jab, intentional or not, is painful.  So what now?  I'm just trying to keep my chin up and keep moving forward.  My Motherhood took a beating but still my kids are joyful, happy, loving, generous, passionate, friendly, smart, helpful kids.  And I sure do love them.

When you dip, I dip, we dip...

Anybody remember that late 90's song Da' Dip?  Well I do and I'm pretty sure it is what inspired the title of a minister's sermon that my husband heard a few years back in grad school.  It was titled, "When you move, I move, we move."

So I don't talk much about homeschool not because I don't have anything to say but rather because I have entirely too much to say.  However, you won't ever hear me say "it's for everyone" or "everyone needs to homeschool their kids."  Because the truth is, it's not for everyone.  It takes a very unique family to thrive in a homeschool environment.  And we, my friends, are a very close weird unique family.  Anyway, back to the song...

So we had been thinking through our mission statement.  Wow, a mission statement for our school/family?  That has been tough.  It was a little easier to come up with our motto.  Whew.  We decided it would be this sermon title, "When you move, I move, we move."  See our family loves to move together (as do many families).  We love to serve together.  We love to be together.  So that's why this is the perfect motto for us.

And if you decide to Google the song, warning, it's not only catchy, some of the lyrics are not appropriate for all ears!

Tangible Jesus

One of the best, most recent parenting tip I read was to tell your kids what Jesus is like, not just about Jesus.  Explaining Jesus to children is so hard but when you use something tangible, it helps them understand.  For example, today the kids and I took school to go.  We went to church and enjoyed our language arts, math, spelling, and Bible outside!  So while on this huge field I had the chance to illustrate what Jesus it like.  "A relationship with Jesus is like this giant field.  You may go anywhere on this field but not past the boundary of that sidewalk."  When they ask "why", I could further illustrate.  "Because of the danger beyond the sidewalk."  "Oh!", they replied, "the cars driving on the road could hit us."  Exactly.  It was the first time I remembered this tip and the first I used it.  It really was wonderful to see their faces light up with joy and understanding.

Mawwiage

"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove" - Priest on Princess Bride


Ah, yes, mawwage marriage.  Eleven years of marriage for us!  Eleven years of ups and downs and sideways and backwards and up again.  I love marriage.  I love being married.  I love my best friend.  No, it hasn't always been easy.  We have been through finishing college, financial hardship, miscarriages, surgeries, sick babies, moves, lots of moves, broken hearts, tears, disagreements, and disappointment.  Yet, by the grace of God, we have managed to work through all of it together and for that, we are stronger.  I love my husband more now than I ever have before.  He's like an appendage on my body.  I don't can't function when he's away.  We are a team.  We take on these crazy five people that we are raising (yes, our children but I like to refer to them differently from time to time).  And each new year, we grow stronger as a team.  So, to year ELEVEN!  Praying for so many more!!  Love you honey!  <3

MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)

So today was the first meeting of year 3 of MOPS!  We had a wonderful group of moms.  I'm so excited to see how these friendships form and grow as the year progresses.  Mothering alone is...well...lonely.  I decided a few years ago that I would not do it alone any longer.  I mean, I have my wonderful and amazing husband but having mom friends to share this journey with is such a treasure.  It is so wonderful to text my bestfriend and girlfriends to tell them how many poopy diapers I changed in the day.  Or to share my latest preschool activity discovery.  Friends make life fun.  And MOPS is just one avenue in meeting these new friends.  

One of our discussion questions was "What is the most important character trait of a friend."  Me, and a couple other moms, believe loyalty is the most important trait for a friend of mine to possess.  I look for friends who will be loyal to me, even when I fail them.  I am a transparent type of person so getting to know me means getting to know even my weaknesses and failures.  I love my bestfriend because she sees that in me and is still loyal to me.  That's what I need in a true friendship.  Plus laughter!  I love friends who can laugh at all the small things.  I think another great character trait is forgiveness.  Any relationship worth having is worth working on and that includes forgiving one another.  And above all, I look for love.  Love bears all!  

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to serve, along side my bestfriend, these wonderful moms in MOPS.  It is going to be a great year!!

Seeing Spots

Here's something that actually keeps my two-year-olds' attention for longer than 1 minute...stamping!  I bought a few Bingo markers from the Dollar Tree and let him go to town.  Here's is first, of many, masterpieces.

Even my one-year-old loved it!  (SMH!)

Preschool Activities

So, since I homeschool a 5th grader, 1st grader, and Pre-Ker, I am always looking for ideas to keep my two toddlers out of the toilet busy.  Found this website and love all the fun ideas!  Just had to share!! 2 Teaching Mommies  

Hello wonderful world of blogging

This would be my second third fourth attempt at blogging.  I'm not quite sure what continues to draw me to the world of blogging but here I am, again.  Let's see how successful this will be.  (Crickets chirping.)  Alright, I'm out.